I am a woman, I am a wife, I am NOT a feminist and I am happy.
So often I hear women call themselves “strong independent women.” I’m not. I’m a strong individual. I am my husband’s wife.
A long time ago, we talked about our expectations in a relationship. He wanted a feminine woman, one who is supportive of him and his goals. She had to be an individual, but their drives and direction in life had to be in the same direction. I was okay with that.
After we were a committed for a while, we both tried to be in university AND work full time. This caused a great deal of stress in our lives. Because he was both further along in his school AND career, I dropped out and just worked full time. It wasn’t even a question.
At the time, we had already moved provinces, a decision he had made. We talked about it, but ultimately, I simply agreed. We moved from my current home town (where I’m from) to The Island (where he’s from). After 4 months of being in there, he was offered a job in Up Island as a financial controller of a small business [anywhere else], but a large business Up Island. He accepted that job.
My husband (then fiancé) being a financial controller and student was tough but not impossible. It became harder when we discovered he had not one but two lumbar herniated discs. I’ve been asked if I ever considered leaving him at that time. No, I didn’t. I love him, he needed me. Times were tough but we were together and working to get through them.
After 3 ½ years of being Up Island, it was time to leave. He had graduated and was now a Certified General Accountant, YAY! He had gone as far as he was going to go Up Island AND he could not get the medical attention required for his back. Oh yes, somewhere in there, we got married and I was my good friend’s matron of honour at HER wedding. She got married within 5 months of us getting married so THAT was fun. From September 1st to March 31st, I had planned our wedding, left for my home town, got married, went back Up Island, packed our house, hurt my back, helped her with her wedding, was her matron of honour, finished packing my house, left for my Home Town, moved into our apartment AND found a new job. I was a little tired at the end of all that.
That was 2005 – 2006. For three or four years, I worked and I was going to be a financial planner or financial analyst. They’re basically the same thing, one just has more schooling and requires a degree. Then I became an insurance broker for a time, which does fall under the banner of financial planner.
For a long time, I talked to my husband and was pushing him to finally become a full time consultant and start his own business. A lot of fear, uncertainty and doubt prevented him from doing so for a long time. The best thing that ever happened to him was getting fired without cause from a company he was with for far too long. I cheered when he called me with that news. He was laughing about it on the phone. THAT’s when he finally started his company. It was about 6 months after that I became more of a housewife. I do the marketing and advertising within his company, but it’s not full time.
He finally considered what he truly wanted out of life. He wants the career (which he has developed beautifully) and he wants the wife that doesn’t need to work. To him, it’s ridiculous that both people in a marriage MUST work just to pay the bills. The other side of that coin are the expectations of me. I keep up the house (but of course, I’m not always great at it because keeping home is BORING.) I also very much enjoy dressing for him, doing my hair, my makeup, in other words, being feminine and pretty.
I continuously receive positive compliments for my efforts, even when I don’t wear makeup because I still put effort into my looks when we go out. I always look presentable and pretty.
My husband buys me the things I enjoy, from simple things like shoes right up to my vehicle. In 2012, he bought me a Jeep Sahara Unlimited and a Canon 7D as an apology for not taking me on vacation for the past few years. He then took me on vacation later that year and we stayed on the executive floor at the Palmer House in Chicago. Last year he took me to San Diego to see two of my all-time favourite bands in concert. Just this week, he got me a PS4 because I’m a fan of Assassin’s Creed and I have yet to play Unity.
I always know which table is ours on my birthday and our anniversary. When he makes the restaurant reservation, he always orders a bouquet of flowers to be placed on the table for me.
I also have enough shoes to outfit an army. The army however can’t have my shoes. They’re my shoes!
One of the reasons he can do such extravagant things for me is because we are careful with our money. We don’t have a large house, it’s a normal sized (1200 sq/ft), in a normal neighbourhood and we’ve been in it for 8 years. I still have the 2012 Jeep. I don’t expect a new vehicle every year. Oh ya, the Jeep is the first NEW vehicle I’ve ever had. My previous vehicles were used and I chose them.
I’m happy, I’m in love, I love my life. My husband is happy, in love and loves his life. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else or living any other way. It’s not right for everyone but it’s right for us. My husband does not own me but I am his wife just as he is my husband. We are a single unit, one complete soul.
Anyone who believes my life choices are wrong doesn’t have to live my life, doesn’t have to look at my life and isn’t involved in my life. An attempt to change my life will fail. I refuse to give up my happiness for someone else’s ideology.
I always tell people that they have to live with the consequences of their actions and I am.
The consequences of my actions are very positive.
(c) C.J. McCullough 2013
King of the Island of Bob