Canada’s Newest Prime Minister, the Fluffy Unicorn

Oh my God, HE'S SO FLUFFY!

I am honoured and humbled to be your new King...

Pierre:
Look, Justin. Everything the light touches is our kingdom.
Young Justin:
Whoa...
Pierre:
A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Justin, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.

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Hey, dad? I was just elected Prime Minister. Why is there a sudden eclipse?

I will help the little people, increase taxes on your employers and prevent any industry from doing business!

I'll make sure that Canadians are taxed so hard they cannot afford luxuries like groceries in an effort to protect the environment!  It worked well in Ontario!

I will run a transparent government, just like the Mayor of Calgary, Alberta!  According to him, NO ONE disagrees with him!  When you put cotton in your ears, no one can!

I know that taxpayers are at their limit but I don't care! Since I was born into extreme wealth, I have no concept of money!  I plan on spending more in the next 4 years than Harper ever did!

You see, I'm only a drama teacher with no political experience whatsoever so I haven't planned on HOW I'll pay for all of my promises, I'll just invent money from somewhere.  Maybe I'll go to Zimbabwe and ask Robert Mugabe how he made everyone trillionaires!

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REEFER MADNESS!

​Realistically though, marijuana is all that matters.  I only like it because the Conservatives hate it and I'll run the country into the ground in an effort to legalize it.  Mary Jane is my best friend and she should be yours too!

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Pierre:
Justin, it has always been your destiny to rule Canada.  Take the throne that I have left you and rule with an iron fist!  Well, you don't have an iron fist... nevermind.  Just don't fuck it up too badly, k.

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This satirical moment brought to you by "The Island of Bob Broadcasting Corporation."  I hope all of you who voted in Trudeau get what you deserve.  I, on the other hand, plan on moving to Tau Ceti.  I hear it's gorgeous this time of year.